Of Loss and Madness: Chapter 10 - FIN

(Chapter 10: Looking at the Abyss)

Outskirts of Dover, England, United Kingdom. 29 May 1984.

"It's quite a sight, eh?"

Stifling back surprise, New Austria glanced at her Canadian host as their car turned right to a small road. No matter how far they were from the rebuilt port town however, the rows of missiles, gun batteries, barbed fences and radio towers continued looming over the landscape. But the traditionally green pastures and gardens Kent was known for remained, radiant in the afternoon sun in spite of the great defenses marring them. Defenses that, despite the naysayers talking about their own country being a glorified airstrip, were necessary to hold back the Reds. And me, the Nation thought with a sigh while adjusting her spring dress. Never again. Nonetheless, the Nation allowed a small smile on her face. Better here at least than London.

"The beauty's still there, Matthew. You just need to look closer," she replied in English just as the vehicle came to a halt near a long-abandoned lighthouse. Stepping out, she noticed a set of weathered posters on the building's walls showing images of her monarchs and flag with the words "Mongrel Krauts" and "Traitor" stamped on. Typical of them. But whatever disgust she had as she moved one turned to wonder, almost gasping at the sight of the British coast, the famed White Cliffs as grand as they always had been. "It is a shame though the Archduchess isn't here to see this."

Loyalist Canada chuckled as he walked up alongside her, straightening his hat and tie. Despite his unassuming appearance however, there was no doubt who was truly defending this realm. "I'm sure Her Majesty would. Though it's for the best that she be the one to accept Arthur's tour around the capital instead of you. No offence."

"None taken. Still, not even our goodwill it seems will that pompous gentleman ever forgive me," she sighed with a hint of disappointment. After all, the newly-crowned Anna-Sophie was the first Habsburg monarch to set foot on English soil in over 40 years. Her visit meant to redeem New Austrian's reputation as much as it was to commemorate the Liberation of Britain. Though the legacy of those war-torn days continued to echo in the English countryside, many of those involved were either long dead or dying out with passing year, including the late General Mihaly. Or killed by my hand here...Gott, keep focused! She shrugged ruefully. "If not for you and King Edward IX, I shouldn't even be here."

"Francesca, you're not the monster people here make you to be. You know this! Mon Dieu, he and Alfred can be alike sometimes. Just give them all - and him more time to come around. Hopefully before he gets around to standing on his own feet again, eh?"

"Ja. Easier for you to say, though." But he's right about that. I'm already a monster.

Shaking her head, the Nation turned her eyes towards the Channel. Save for the occasional jet streaking through the skies, great armored dirigibles and patrolling warships of the newest design, it all seemed deceptively pristine. Yet over the horizon, she could just barely make out the massive forts, weapons and slaves of what was once known France. For beyond those waters, the British Imperial Commonwealth - and the Free World - ended and the Collectivist Internationale's domains began. This was not always so however. Still, the embers refuse to die. The mere thought of it however was enough to cause her to grip her hands into a tight fist, even as she kept up her impeccable facade.

In these times, few remained to tell of what the world was like before the Reds themselves crossed it for the first and only time, before the throng of refugees escaping the Continent through here dwindled to nothing, before the Terror itself with their own eyes. With each passing minute, those numbers shrank ever more. And neither Francesca nor her fellow Free Nations were any closer to putting an end to the Reds. Not when the specter of atomics on both sides and the damnable Collectivist desire for revolution threatened to plunge the world into a long death. To bring us all under their Will! Gott, nothing has changed. Nothing!

Yet... 

For a brief glimmer, New Austria found herself reliving the turmoil all those decades ago. As if a faint trace of that same, dark aspect of herself was screaming in her mind. To finish what should have ended back then. To kill those...Nein!

NEIN! NO MORE! The moment passed as quickly as it began, however. Just as she felt male hands gently clasping onto one of hers. I can't...But...ja, I...I...

"I wanted my own will to be done," she whispered as she turned to meet the concerned Canadian's bespectacled eyes. "To this day, I still desire retribution. To exact justice to their damned Will. But I was little better in those battles. I saw - Nein, I became madness then. All for revenge."

To her surprise, Loyalist Canada removed his hat and brought her into a warm embrace. Even as she blushed and resisted the urge to cry, the Nation felt at once glad and relieved that she still had a friend in Matthew. Briefly, her mind went back to that one night when they found intimacy with each other, only to shrug the notion off. What happened between them might never come again. I can never claim what Katya already had. As they parted, she noticed a knowing look in his eyes, as if he too understood.

"Matthew. After all this time-"

"Perhaps it's in all of us," he replied with a somber smile as he glanced at the Channel, just as another jet passed overhead. "But for our crowns, peoples - for our future, we'll pull through somehow. We have to, Francesca. Together. Though I'm certain the Edelstein-Hedervary name is in good hands, whatever happens."

Stunned for a moment, she managed a soft grin as she turned her gaze to the general direction of where the Austro-Hungarian Crownlands once lived, all while the lights from Dover flickered on. Despite all the bloodshed, the world was not yet lost. Someday, she mused, this endless Cold War would come to a close. The Internationale would have their day and see their Will come crashing down. And so long as New Austria was still able to move on, live and endure, none would find her or her people wanting. Neither would her parents' memory be thrown like ashes into heartless oblivion.

If that meant never finding that sense of peace, fighting that madness in her forever, so be it. There's so much more left to do.

"Danke," she murmured while holding on to his free hand. "Whatever happens."